Speaker 1: 0:06

Hello, I'm Jennifer O'Sullivan. Welcome to Skillful Means Podcast. Coming to you every other week with Buddhist and Yogic wisdom, parts work, taoism discussions, guided practices, discussions, and anything else I can think of. I gotta confess it's peak pollinating season where I'm at in the mid-Atlantic US, so if you hear a little scratchiness in my throat, that's why I promise you I'm fine and I promise to edit out throat clearing noises for you. Okay, I'm excited, I've got a great show for you.

Speaker 1: 0:50

I'm covering today two topics that are near and dear to my heart. First, we're unpacking grounding as a self-support and empowering strategy. What is grounding? Where does it come from? How can we be proactive about it? And I'm also answering a listener question about how yoga and Buddhism might help guide our activism efforts. I love this one how do we show up for the causes we care about most, while keeping to our spiritual teachings? And speaking of listener questions, if you'd like to contribute to the show, I'm all ears. In fact, I really want the show to be guided by the topics that interest you the most. You have a couple of options for getting in touch. Check the show notes, for the link to the listener survey Survey is probably giving it more credit. It's a form you can use it to send me your questions, favorite resources, personal vignettes, about how a teaching or practice has gotten you through a tough time or inspired you in some way. You can also send me an email to feedback at skillfulmeanspodcastcom, or text me using the link in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 2:11

With that bit of housekeeping out of the way, let's get to it. You'd have to be on an extended silent retreat in the Himalayas and probably not listening to this podcast to not know that the world has gotten really precarious in the last few months. In fact, over the weekend, the IFS Foundation announced it was starting a podcast specifically to discuss how parts work can help people navigate. A quote society in crisis, which is probably the best euphemism I've heard so far to describe what's happening in the US right now. The impacts of a society in crisis include increased anxiety and a loss of community connection due to all the widespread distrust all things that make us feel unmoored and the speed and volume of change is overwhelming, which then creates chronic stress and all the health problems associated with that. So, in addition to doing what we can to push against the crisis writ large, we also need to take care of our mental well-being. Enter grounding practices.

Speaker 1: 3:35

Grounding is a term we use to describe practices that calm us down when we feel unsettled, scattered, anxious, fearful. Feel unsettled, scattered, anxious, fearful. In other words, grounding is a way to regather when we're feeling so tossed about in a sea of uncertainty. The word grounding is kind of a funny term because on the one hand it seems self-evident, but it's also one of those new agey words that for some may seem a bit unserious. So I thought I'd offer a couple of perspectives on how to think about what we're doing when we ground ourselves. Let's consider electrical safety circuits, say. In your house, electricians run wires into the literal ground to channel excess power from anything that could catch fire or shock someone. In this sense, the ground serves as a sink for an electrical charge. You can also think of it as a kind of emergency exit if something goes wrong in a circuit. And this is a pretty good analogy, because when we ground ourselves we're diverting overwhelming emotional energy into the figurative earth. Grounding practices direct our attention from racing thoughts into the present moment, often through sense doorways. But we'll get to that in a bit. I think the kids these days call this touching grass, though I do know that specifically relates to people who are terminally online, but I think that just is the same. Sometimes we need to discharge some energy, whether it's Instagram brain rot and, by the way, that was a new phrase for me brain rot, and, by the way, that was a new phrase for me or the anxiety about quote unquote these times Now where Westerners might talk about energy in broad terms, the Taoists have a whole taxonomy of energy, also known as qi.

Speaker 1: 5:39

If you're listening to this podcast, you're probably familiar with yin and yang energy. Yang represents the active, creative, dynamic forces in the universe. Yang is expansive and generative. Yin refers to the material world, the substance of things. It's related to patience and stillness. But yin is also about potentiality, a pregnant pause, if you will.

Speaker 1: 6:13

The Taoists explain creation like this. Yin and yang energies are pulsing in a primordial space referred to as wuji. As they pulse, or dance, they start to differentiate into more complexity, moving through the four phases of universal energy and then into the bagua, or the eight natural forces. From there they differentiate even further until you have everything in the manifest world. But let's back up to the eight natural forces. If you've ever taken Qigong. You might have heard of the Bhagavad. The eight natural forces are heaven, lake, fire, thunder, wind, water, mountain and earth, and each are associated with specific qualities and phenomena, things that are present in everything in the manifest world. In this model, earth represents receptivity and nurturance. It's considered pure yin Earth.

Speaker 1: 7:13

Metaphors also appear in other aspects of Taoism, particularly the five elements, and the earth element is associated with qualities such as majesty, solidity, steadfastness and perseverance, because the earth itself is so enduring. Interestingly, taoists also associate earth with metabolizing, digesting and processing. Think about what you need to make really great soil. This can also refer to figurative digestion. One might cultivate earth element when going through transitions as a way of processing. According to the Taoists, we can raise or lower elements through a number of ways, including adjusting diet, movement practices, acupuncture, massage and visualizations. But earth element is also associated with the spirit, energy, yi, or the aspect of mind associated with making decisions through careful deliberation, consideration and insight. Yi also relates to what we pay attention to, for better or worse, and there's a Taoist saying chi follows yi, which means that we want to be thoughtful about what we pay attention to, because whatever it is will draw down our energy. It's also why meditation, particularly training and concentration, is an important practice.

Speaker 1: 8:50

All of this paints a picture of the earth, the ground, as being all about inner strength and fortitude. In this sense, when we talk about grounding or amplifying the earth energies within, we're talking about accessing inner strength so we can meet the moment, however challenging it might be. And perhaps it wouldn't surprise you that the conduit for accessing earth energy is through portals in the feet, because they're the closest to the ground, but also via an energetic repository in our belly called the lower dantian. This is our gut, which even Westerners associate with the center of personal power. So I think of grounding as more than just a way to calm and cope. It's also a way to access inner resources, courage, clear thinking, understanding and insight. These are things that are hard to grasp when we're feeling distressed.

Speaker 1: 9:55

Another angle to grounding is how we might think of grounded people. These are individuals who appear to have a solid grasp on reality. They're practical, steady, deliberate, conscientious. We'd also describe them as open-minded, not so strongly attached to their views, even willing to consider other points of view. They're non-dogmatic and they respond to things in a tempered way. These also happen to be qualities that we associate with long-time meditators, monastics and other people who spend a significant amount of time cultivating prajna or wisdom.

Speaker 1: 10:35

And in the Buddhist context, this is the aim of meditative practice to pull back the veils of our conditioning or that which distorts our perception of reality, so that we are engaging with the real present moment, as it is not how we think it is. Of the two formal mindfulness practices, one of them, vipassana, translates as clear seeing. In other words, the purpose of mindfulness isn't just to feel more centered, but also to engage with reality. And I'll just add that, yeah, this is all really hard, so it's a good thing that mindfulness also feels nice and calming, because when we pull back the curtain to see what's really there, we encounter a lot of suffering within ourselves, in our loved ones, in the world. One can see why having this connection to earth and all the qualities of steadiness would be helpful. And, by the way, I highly recommend spending time with Adyashanti's work. He's got books and lots of talks about the challenges of waking up in this way, and he specifically encourages self-reflective therapeutic work, because our ability to be with the suffering of the world depends a lot on how we can be with the suffering in ourselves.

Speaker 1: 11:58

I'm going to get to the elements of grounding practices in a moment, but I want to note that you'll want to bolster your ability to steady yourself when stressed by practicing this when you aren't agitated, specifically setting aside time for the wisdom practices, mindfulness contemplation and self-reflection. In other words, you want to dedicate yourself to being a grounded person so that when you're distressed, your efforts to steady yourself are returning you to a default mode rather than trying to generate a less familiar state. Grounding shouldn't feel alien. It should feel like you're returning home to yourself, and on that note, the chakra of the lower abdomen is called Svaristhan, which translates as one's own abode, and in the Indian yoga tradition, it's the seat of our emotional stability. So what makes a practice grounding, you might ask?

Speaker 1: 13:11

While there are some general principles, what works for one person may not work for everyone. I recommend you develop your own toolkit of practices that you know work for you, and I'll say more about how to do that in a bit. I've broken things up into six categories, but there's some overlap between them and some of them may even contradict each other. Consider these starting points for your own creative thinking on what helps you calm down. Starting points for your own creative thinking on what helps you calm down. Okay, number one Generally, grounding practices are going to be more yin than the agitated state you start out in.

Speaker 1: 13:52

So quieter, slower, deliberate, energy lowering practices. Remember that yin is an adjective that is always relative to yang, which means that what might be yin in one context or for one person might be yang in another context or for another person. As an example, yoga asana as a whole is more yin than jogging or crossfit. So a hatha yoga class could be very grounding, even though it's not explicitly yin yoga or restorative yoga. Similarly, if you're a very high octane person with a lot of energy, a jog might be the thing to turn things around and, to be honest, steering a high energy person to a really yin practice like yoga nidra or a float tank might not be as effective because it's too far removed from their general disposition.

Speaker 1: 14:52

The second principle is that grounding practices are embodied or somatic, meaning that they engage the senses. Exercise, even strenuous exercise, works for a lot of people because it creates strong sensation that you can feel. And yes, doing strenuous weightlifting isn't very yin. So here's one of those contradictions. But if you're really in your head, tossing a medicine ball around might be the perfect thing for you.

Speaker 1: 15:23

And when it comes to engaging your other senses, a lot of people, myself included, like essential oils. Now, I know nothing about them, I just know lavender and palo santo relax me, so I like to diffuse them when I'm stressed or when I need to really focus on something. Other people like to listen to music or hang out under a weighted blanket. You can also engage your taste buds, so mindfully eating a piece of fruit or preparing and sipping a cup of tea, these might be good options and have the added benefit of not taking very long. I think one of the reasons why I love cats is that I find it really soothing to pet them, especially when they're purring. So furry pals for me go to the top of the list.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Another practice that's fairly popular is the 5-4-3-2-1 practice, which is designed to help you engage your senses, and it goes like this One look for five things in your immediate vicinity that you can see like a table or a potted plant. Then four things you can feel Chair feet on the ground. Things you can reach out and touch with your fingers, followed by three things you can hear people talking. Sounds outside your own breath. Two things you can smell maybe it's the fabric softener in your clothes or flowers and one thing you can taste, and if you can't detect something already in your mouth, try drinking a bit of water.

Speaker 1: 17:05

Embodied or somatic practices help us root our awareness in something tangible and substantive. In other words, they help us to be more mindful, which is the third principle. Mindfulness practices, whether formal meditation or otherwise, help us to slow down and reconnect to the present moment. Mindfulness disrupts discursive or rambling thinking that can be distressing for the mind, and I would put various calming breathing practices in this category, though I think they also overlap with embodiment. I also find walking meditation really effective if I'm too agitated to sit down and follow my breath. And here's where I'll mention the other mindfulness meditation practice, samatha, which translates to calm abiding. This is the practice where you focus on one thing, usually your breath, in order to gain some agency over your own mind. You're choosing to focus on the breath to the exclusion of other things, and, by its very nature, concentrating your mind on one neutral thing is calming. We'll feel more gathered, less dispersed, in other words, less all over the place, which is often me.

Speaker 1: 18:26

The fourth principle is getting out in nature. Here's where we're touching grass or engaging with the elements. Forest bathing, walking among trees, is a favorite practice in Japan. I'm a fan of vistas, so I like hiking up to lookouts. I also find being near water really calming, so my absolute favorite thing is to stand on a sea cliff, because it combines vistas with water. Being in nature stimulates our relaxation response, which lowers blood pressure and heart rate while reducing other ill effects of stress, and it can be really lovely to combine nature with some of the other practices.

Speaker 1: 19:13

The next two principles are a little different because they're a bit more cognitive and, to be honest, I only started to appreciate the benefits of these more recently. But now I can see why they keep considered grounding, especially in a proactive way. So number five is something I'm calling clearing. I call it that because it encompasses actions you might take to clear mental congestion or clear your mental load. The most obvious one is writing out a to-do list when you're feeling stressed about all the things you need to do, and a variation of this is journaling, particularly self-reflective practice. Knowing yourself and awareness of your internal states can be really effective in getting grounded before doing something stressful like public speaking or having a difficult conversation, but some not so obvious things are the proactive measures you can take to reduce the number of decisions you have to make each day, because decision fatigue contributes to stress and overwhelm. So I eat the same exact breakfast every day because I hate being frantic in the morning, and I know a few people who wear the same thing every day to eliminate that stress. So what are the routines and rituals you can create that will help reduce mental clutter?

Speaker 1: 20:45

Another thing I put into the clearing category is a practice I call context switching. Context switching comes from software development, where programmers will write code for the purpose of storing a process for later. How this works for people is that we may sometimes have to just stop what we're doing and go do something else. Programmers use context switching to help manage CPU usage across multiple tasks. We can use it to manage our energy and stress levels. I do kind of consider context switching a last resort, because we don't always have the luxury of putting something down and walking away from it even for just a bit, but sometimes we can.

Speaker 1: 21:31

In fact, just the other day I was having one of those days that was like a death by a thousand paper cuts. Nothing big and catastrophic was going on, except, you know, society in crisis. But in my own day, I kept coming up against all these little obstacles that were causing me to get increasingly frustrated and testy, and with each subsequent obstacle, my tolerance level was dropping exponentially. And then I realized, oh man, I may need to switch context, but before I did, I went through my planning documents and calendar to make sure nothing was pressing and it wasn't, so. Then I basically gave myself the day off. Nothing was going to get done while I was in that state anyway, and I spent the day doing things that were fun and helped me hit an internal reset button. This was kind of extreme.

Speaker 1: 22:26

Another way to context switch might be a walk around the block, which not only changes up the environment, but also combines fresh air and movement. The idea is to interrupt the stream of stressors, and precisely what you do depends on the situation. So that's clearing, or more precisely, clearing your head. The last thing I want to offer is to consider how you might bolster your executive functioning. You don't have to be neurodivergent to find yourself struggling to get started on things, planning, maintaining your focus and sticking to tasks. All it takes is a few sleepless nights in a row, and even the highest functioning among us will falter. Stress, such as a society in crisis, also takes a toll on executive functioning, as a society in crisis also takes a toll on executive functioning, particularly creative tasks and problem solving. So bolstering your executive functioning is a more preemptive action.

Speaker 1: 23:29

You'll want your systems and routines in place, ones that you actually follow, to be there to catch you when you start to feel ungrounded. To catch you when you start to feel ungrounded. For me, knowing that my systems have my back helps to keep me from spiraling into an even worse state, and it's precisely how I could give myself a day off without my inner critics spinning up. I have a great planning system and I knew I wasn't forgetting something important. So, to recap, when thinking about the things you can do to ground your anxious energy, you want to consider practices and actions that are yin, so slower and calmer, embodied or somatic or sensorial. You want them to be mindful, possibly in nature, and you also want to consider ways to clear your mind of mental clutter and bolster your executive functioning. I want to wrap up the topic of grounding with some tips on how to plan ahead when we're stressed, our perspective narrows and we can't see a lot of options, even ones that are right in front of our face. So you'll be doing yourself a kindness to have some lists at the ready. That way you don't have to add, figure it out how to ground myself to your list of stressors when you are feeling rested, well fed, alert and not stressed, brainstorm a big list of grounding practices that are doable within the normal constraints you have to deal with in life and that are things you'd actually do. In other words, there's no point in putting beach walking on your list if there's no beach nearby. Nor does it make any sense to include drawing. If you're someone like me who finds drawing stressful, you can use the six categories as outlined to help you come up with some ideas. So what are the practices that slow you down? How do you like to engage your senses? What gets you into the present moment?

Speaker 1: 25:47

Once you have a list, take out a piece of paper or make a spreadsheet with columns denoted by length of time, so you might have a column called one minute, another that says 10 minutes and 30 minutes. One hour, half a day, all day To account for some of the proactive measures. Half a day, all day To account for some of the proactive measures. You might have a column that represents day before, where you might put pick out outfit, or another column for systems and rituals, where you might put eat same breakfast every day. Again, these are things you'd actually do, so ignore my examples.

Speaker 1: 26:17

If they won't work for you, then you're going to take your full list and put your practices and activities in one or more of the columns. For instance, a walk could be a 10-minute context switch, or it could be an hour-long mindfulness activity. You might need to implement some of your ideas in advance, and some things might require preparation. So, for instance, I enjoy doing abstract watercolor as a way to ground myself, but I really hate the setup, so I created a little kit. So all I need to do is get some water.

Speaker 1: 26:52

After you do all that, put a copy of your list on your phone, maybe in your notes app, tape it to your computer, put it in your planner, post it to the fridge or wherever you can easily access it, maybe even the glove box in your car. So the next time you're feeling frazzled, stressed, ungrounded, really angry, pull up your list and see what options you have given the time that you have. Pull up your list and see what options you have, given the time that you have. Whatever you put on your list, just remember that grounding practices are more than just coping strategies. They can help you discharge excess emotional energy while also helping you connect to your inner strength To think outside the box. Ask yourself what will help me feel empowered even while facing challenges. Well, thank you for coming to my TED Talk on grounding. I hope you find this helpful. I'd love to hear about your favorite grounding strategies, especially any off the wall or unusual ones. My parts really love that, so send me a note to feedback at skillfulmeanspodcastcom and I might share them in a future episode.

Speaker 1: 28:18

And now it's time for a listener question. This one comes from Cindy, who shared that the recent decisions by the CEO of Meta have prompted her to delete her Facebook and Instagram accounts. Basically, she didn't want to support a corporation that is engaged in activity that goes against her values, which I totally get. I've got about one and a half feet off those platforms myself. Cindy goes on to say and y'all this is so relatable quote. I don't feel I'm equipped with the words to explain myself to my friends who don't understand my decision. Saying it's against my values doesn't seem like enough, because I'd like to inspire them to also consider how they can reduce harm toward others.

Speaker 1: 29:06

I'd love to hear your thoughts and yogic perspectives. Oh, I love this one and it's also not that straightforward. Obviously, none of our yoga or Buddhist texts address social media directly. They did not have anything like the communication tools that we have today. But we can find inspiration in the ethical teachings from both traditions. In the yoga tradition, we might look to the yamas for guidance, particularly satya, or truthfulness, and aparigraha, non-grasping. I was thinking of satya because, in addition to speaking the truth and not lying, there's also a component of letting silence speak the truth. For you, satya could include leading through example, which is likely going to inspire more people than preaching, even when, especially when we really want people to see what's going on.

Speaker 1: 30:07

I know I can get caught up in a very breathless. Why can't they see this kind of attitude? But here's something one of my first yoga teacher mentors told me once, and that is it actually isn't my job, or your job or anyone's job, to get people to come along, or to see the light, so to speak. As a yoga teacher, I'm there to offer something, but I can't make them take it, and I think this is why a parigraha can be helpful in terms of our own self-reflection. What am I grasping at by wanting this so badly and a follow-up question from IFS? What am I afraid would happen if they didn't come over to my way of thinking, and is that burden my responsibility to carry? Can it be enough to live by my own values?

Speaker 1: 31:08

I actually think Buddhism provides a bit more guidance, because we have teachings on mindful speech, compassion for others and also practicing non-attachment to views, and it's that last one that inspires my thinking on this topic. So, coming back to Satya, let's ask the question what's the truth? And the truth is, and the answer is there is no universal truth, only what we know to be truthful in our own hearts and minds. To some extent, we have to accept that on many, many matters, other people are going to feel that their understanding is the truth, and without the certainty of a universal truth, we have to be open in our own minds to other possibilities, including that our way of things might not be correct. Now, cindy, or anyone who's listening, this isn't to dissuade you from your views on Metta or any of the other social justice issues out there, I share them too. Social justice issues out there I share them too. But that little nugget of non-attachment to views holds me back from getting all the way up in people's faces about this or any other topic.

Speaker 1: 32:22

Both yoga and Buddhism are really about personal sadhana, because the only domain we have any control over is ourselves. There's not a lot in the text that concerns engaging in the wider world, particularly in a political way, but Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, who was a Vietnam peace activist, mined the teachings to create the 14 precepts of engaged Buddhism. These precepts are used by Buddhist activists around the world as guide stars. These precepts are used by Buddhist activists around the world as guide stars. I'll put a link in the show notes so you can read all 14, but I want to zero in on the one that seems to be a direct answer to Cindy's question. In the third precept, Thich Nhat Hanh says do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness, fanaticism and narrowness.

Speaker 1: 33:36

Returning to yoga philosophy for a moment, this also reminds me that ahimsa non-harming might also apply here. Oftentimes, persuasion tactics threaten a person's autonomy or it may create undue emotional stress. I'm even noticing that the breathless way many people are sharing information right now is too activating for my nervous system. I've had to mute a lot of people on various platforms because I can only respond and take in sober commentary. So even when the intention is there, we can be unnecessarily freaking people out. Anyway, I doubt that Cindy or anyone else is forcing people to adopt their views, but it's also very easy to get overly invested and getting people to come over to our side that we inadvertently start creating harm and this brings me back to a parigraha and we start creating harm, and this brings me back to a parigraha.

Speaker 1: 34:36

Why is it so important to us that people come over to our side? Instead, might we be available to those who want to talk to us about what we're doing? And this would be a much better use of our energy anyway better use of our energy anyway. And also this bit in the precept about helping others renounce fanaticism and narrowness. Tay's not saying gently and compassionately, bring them over to your way of thinking. Instead, the objective is to diminish dogma on both sides, so we can't bring our dogma to the conversation if we want the other party to relax theirs.

Speaker 1: 35:16

And I'm reminded of the truth and reconciliation efforts after the end of apartheid in South Africa. These commissions were rooted in dialogue, not for persuasion but toward mutual understanding, and it probably goes without saying. But remember that compassionate understanding does not equal endorsement. We can get people's perspective without compromising our values. And then we have the Bhagavad Gita, which makes clear that ultimately we must follow our dharma, which does include fighting for what feels important and right. But the Gita also counsels us to detach ourselves from the fruits of our actions.

Speaker 1: 36:03

So, based on all of this, I would say, cindy, maybe don't try to bring people over to your side I know that might sound a bit unsatisfying but just do your thing because it feels like the right thing to do in your own heart and mind. And when people ask you about why you made that choice, treat it as an opportunity for mutual understanding rather than persuasion. Let your actions, your presence, your vibe be the inspiration, and maybe they don't understand and they aren't persuaded. For now, softening your own attachments to an outcome will hopefully keep you in connection with these people. And this brings me to my last nugget from Buddhist teachings the concept of upaya skillful means includes the Buddhist practice of meeting people where they're at. He was really good at getting a feel for what was creating suffering in people's lives and then share teachings that were relevant and immediate to their situation. When you can detach from the goal of persuasion and focus on understanding, you might find a workable inroad or know that you're planting a seed. I don't think Metta is going to get any better, so your example creates a permission structure for other people to safely exit somewhere down the line. So thank you for asking this question, cindy. It was actually really helpful for me to spend some time on this question because, as I said, I have a tendency to get really I'll just say passionate about the things I care about, and I could probably benefit from slowing my roll a bit too.

Speaker 1: 37:51

All right, everybody, thank you for joining me this month's discussion episode. I hope you're feeling both inspired and empowered to find your home ground and live your dharma. Because the show is landing in a month with an extra Tuesday, I'm planning to drop two practices for you. I know I'm planning to share a quick parts work check-in that can double as a grounding practice, but I'm a little on the fence about the second one. If you have a practice request, you know where to find me feedback at skillfulmeanspodcastcom. And that about wraps things up. If enjoy the show, please rate and review it in your app of choice. Those stars and comments actually do help take things up a notch for me, and thank you for the gift of your time and attention. Until next time, may you meet each moment with courage and compassion.